Comic Relief

As I sit here suffering from man-flu in my nice warm house, staying off work but still being paid and with my muscles and bones having screaming arguments with each other, I have had the chance to watch a bit more telly than usual.

It is impossible to miss the fact that Comic Relief will soon be upon us. Hitherto, my sole contribution has been to buy a Red Nose from Sainsburys which got put in a drawer and then to spend the day itself avoiding other people wearing Red Noses. This is no mean feat when imprisoned on a London Underground carriage for one-and-a-half hours and bucket rattlers abound.

I have always seen Comic Relief as a poor relation to Children In Need. It's all about chucking money to foreign lands, isn't it? Look at the state of our country! Charity begins at home.

I now realise that these views are, to put no finer point on it, complete bollocks.

Last year, I had cause to fly into Mumbai airport. On the approach, you fly over a huge shanty town which is on the airport perimeter. Some of the shacks were protected by bright blue tarpaulin. Many were not.

The passenger next to me, an indian gentleman, expressed disgust. But this was not disgust at how horrific those living conditions were but that they were making the airport look untidy to incoming Sahibs such as myself. I was appalled....in a quiet, understated, very British way.

The aeroplane did its usual trip around the airport looking for somewhere to park and then I had to get a bus to the Domestic Departures terminal. This enabled me to get a closer look at the edge of the slum. Women were washing and cooking. Wafer-thin kids were playing football in the mud. Men were staring. What were they thinking of, I wonder? "look at those lucky bastards", perhaps? I think not. I did not see any envy in those eyes. I smiled weakly at one of them and he beamed back. We exchanged a brief wave before my bus set off.

Later in the week, I was in Delhi. My God. It is all concrete and flyovers these days. Despite, its advancement over recent years there are still deformed children performing acrobatic tricks in the middle of 3 lane highways to try and earn money. They are being watched over by a number of large well-fed men who shout at them if they stop their flip-flopping for more than a second.

Both the man at the airport and these kids in Delhi deserve to have a chance. Just a little glimmer of light. Something tangible that they can aim at and work towards.

Comic Relief is not just about digging wells and building schools in Africa. It is far more reaching than that. Did you know that it helps sponsor the Altzheimer's Society in Bradford? Neither did I but it does. Look http://www.comicrelief.com/how-we-help/the-difference-we-have-made/personal-stories/den-and-audrey

Comic Relief has years of experience in getting our donations to the people and places that can make the best use of it. We must trust them to make the judgment as to where this is. I have not been to Africa and apart from what I see from my armchair have no real clue as to the challenges those people face day by day. The two small events that I saw in India, a supposedly wealthy country, made a lasting impression. I don't know the half of it or even the hundredth of it.

I, for one, will be digging a bit deeper into my pocket this year.

Sheila's Squeals

A European court has ruled that it is discriminatory for insurance companies to set a premium for car insurance based on gender. The result is that many women under 25 who are less likely to have an accident than their male counterparts will pay more.

I wonder who made the complaint in the first place. I, for one, am glad that my other half pays less car insurance. It means that it is cheaper for her to run her car meaning that I am more likely to get a lift home when I have been out drinking.

The court ruling is ridiculous. Insurance is a business of calculating risk based on historic fact. We are told that insurers will need to place more emphasis on age and postcode. How long before the ageist lobby come out and make a complaint?

What about life assurance? Women live longer than men - fact. The insurance company are likely to collect more premiums from a woman before she croaks than from a man, so they do not need to charge as much each month. Will this become illegal as well?

I remember the days when we thought that rulings from Europe were funny. They were about the shape of bananas and when you can use the words "Melton Mowbray" before "pork pie". But now it is becoming very serious indeed. The handcuffs, or Eurocuffs, that they are placing on companies such as the insurers is prohibitive to effective competition and trade. One size cannot fit all.

The company Sheila's Wheels is about giving cheaper car insurance to women. Now that Sheila is in Eurocuffs (pink fluffy ones, if the image on the advertisements is to be believed), is Sheila about to go down? OK, we would be spared the faux Aussie TV commercials but that would be the only benefit.

It is about time that our Government took a stance against such idiocy from Europe. Plenty has been written recently regarding the deliberations of the European Court of Human Rights for whom the criminal is king and becomes the victim.

What will Mr. Cameron do? I suspect nothing for now. He will let these Eurocourts carry on spewing out nonsense until the next election, which he will then fight on a mandate of withdrawing from these judicial theatres. That will separate him nicely from the policies of little Nicky Clegg and enable him to seek a clear majority in the next parliament.